
Many assume their belonging needs are met, but what if it's just a false summit, with deeper belonging still waiting to be found?
One type of false summit is "hand-me-down belonging." These are the things we do because our parents led us down that path. We may have started band or sports because they chose it for us.
For me, it was spirituality (or lack thereof). I carried my mother’s skepticism toward spirituality as my own for four decades. I inherited her dismissiveness of it and took pride in being an atheist. It wasn’t until I confronted this facade I had created that I realized my Jewish identity gave me the spiritual belonging I, in fact, craved.
Another false summit is "nostalgic belonging." This is when we continue to do things that used to make us feel like we belong but most likely don’t anymore.
For me, this was my "best friend" group, which dated back to my high school days. Only recently did I learn that hanging out with many of them reinforced patterns I did not like about myself and, furthermore, did not give me the level of intimacy and connection I needed with other men.
The third false summit is "misconceived belonging." This happens when we misunderstand our belonging needs. It's common to think your job or role gives you a sense of belonging, for example, when it's actually the relationships that come from it that do.
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